Feeling lousy

Feeling lousy. No, feeling beyond the maximum level of lousiness.

My man was feeling a little under the weather yesterday. So i decided to become his personal nurse without him knowing that i was gonna visit him as he assumed that i was wrapped up in my books to prepare for monday's BSAC1101 Accounting for decision making exam.

Despite the heavy downpour, i marched towards Toowong Village shopping centre to grab his fave japanese cuisine, fave banana & mango juice and a hearty fruit pudding to boost his appetite. As i was packing everything into a flashy new paperbag, i thought i'd get him some daisies to go with his fave turkish delight chocolate nuggets. Because i had paid the rent beforehand, i had also placed the remainder of my cash on hand inside the Hallmark bag the store provided me upon purchasing his 'get well soon' card.

Now i know what some of you are thinking: Why didn't you put them in your wallet instead you ding dong? My answer to that, ladies and gents, would be a simple, "I don't friggin know."

So anyway, after purchasing the flowers... OK you know what? i'll do you a chronological list instead:
- removed card the from the Hallmark bag,
- transfered card into the large paperbag containing food & flowers,
- crumpled the Hallmark bag,
- united Hallmark bag along with unwanted receipts into another plastic bag,
- tossed plastic bag into nearest bin on my way out,
- proceeded journey to his house.

And yes, the plastic bag that i threw away had the Hallmark bag in it.

And yes, the Hallmark bag had the remains of my cash on hand.

And FYI, cash on hand = A$360

It is true. Your very own noble sinner really did threw away three hundred and sixty dollars worth of cash into a garbage bin;
the same way a kid would toss away his enzyme-covered candy wrapper,
the same way ol granny would discard her snot-filled tissue paper,
the same way an average person would dispose of one's rubbish.

Somebody shoot me. Please.

Kelly Clarkson Battles Old Guy From Record Company

It was reported last week that Kelly Clarkson was told by Sony chief Clive Davis that her new album blew and they wanted to scrap it. Well, Ms. Clarkson wasn't having it . She's turning it out anyway. Judging from that first single, I'd say she might want to give ole' Clive a call back.

TMZ has confirmed that the 75-year-old music mogul asked for "significant" changes and wanted to put the brakes on the CD. But Clarkson wasn't having any of it -- especially since she wrote/co-wrote all the tracks on the record.

Sources tell us that Clarkson stood up to him and flat out refused to give in, and in the end she got her way.

One source told TMZ there is "deep tension" between Clarkson and Davis, adding, "She's definitely upset, but she's not a stupid girl."

I don't know what that last quote means. You can't be upset and smart at the same time? Or does it mean that she's stood up to him but won't go any further by complaining publicly about it because he's like the Great and Terrible Oz of the recording industry? Didn't he get Whitney off the pipe?

Source

Kevin Federline disses Britney Spears' boyfriend

Kevin Federline has apparently been trash talking Britney Spears' new boyfriend, musician Howie Day. A source says:

"When Kevin heard they had a sleepover at her house, everyone wanted to know about it. He lit up a cigarette and said he guessed you have to head to the dump to find trash, referring to how Britney and Howie met while in rehab."

I'm not sure if Kevin Federline is the most qualified person to be calling other people trash. I'm pretty sure he's more qualified to be an astronaut. Or, I dunno, a Japanese woman. Besides, one look at Britney Spears and you can tell this lady is all class. I'm surprised she didn't have her monocle on here. She must've left it with her top hat.

Source

Let the brain speak

Exactly a month today since i had my sip of Bombay Sapphire. I'm hoping that it would be the last.

To most, it seems like a so-what deal. But to me, it's a "wow" achievement. Top three reasons listed as follows:

1. Weekends
I have to start to make it a norm for meetings with my mates a non-alcoholic one. This applies to me and me only as the majority of my frens drink.

2. Residence
I live next to a freakin coldroom. Enough said.

3. Advertisements
New product all the time, new curiousity, new temptations.

"If i can live without it for one day, then i don't need it at all," was the saying of a wise fren of mine to me that kept me going strong. Sadly enough, it was a matter of NATO for the opposite party. I refuse to be the hypocrite and contradict myself this time of the year, or ever, for that matter, again.

It worked for the ciggies. And i have no doubt that it will work with the booze this time.

I am turning twenty soon. And i have to say, compared to my other frens who are more than three decades old, i have under-achieved. In fact, i am not even halfway there. Damnit i've blown my chances and i'm not gonna let history repeat itself once again.

I suppose the only solution left for me is to make the most of what i've got now and get on with it. Also i should stop comparing myself with others because if i do, and keep doing it, i will never be true to myself. Of course, it is vital to use others' success as an inspiration but i also have to familiarize myself with the fact that we are all gifted in our own special ways.

Man i have to spell out everytime for myself.

Because i'm highly indecissive see. Because some think i'm a big joke. Because some have put me down so low that even the lowest scum on to ever live could never ever go there.

Having said that, i wish no sympathetic messages from the rest because i want anything but. And to top it off, i am not seeking sympathy. Just jotting down what the brain thinks. Nothing wrong with speaking the mind. That's the beauty of blogging after all. So let me speak.

Fancy snapping images of yerself?

click!

My post today would be about reflection.

snap!

I've always wondered how true is the saying "What goes around comes around" and "You always get what you deserve". Then of course, there's karma; be it good or bad.

What keeps on throbbing in this hollow skull of mine is how far are those that revolve around us relevant to our actions? In other words, to what extent is our fortune propotional to our doings?

work that shutter baby

I know that it is indeed wrong to question our fate, or God's will for that matter. But at times i felt like i don't deserve what i am forced to endure. Then again, it could be one of those painful lessons in life, that shapes me to be the person that i am today, or in the near future. Then again, at this time, at this stage, do i really have to go through all those? Perhaps if i do have to at one point in my life, it would be when the situation is more... no, is LESS, trying? Sometimes i feel like having a handful of mischiefs [sp?] flooding my head, let alone my life, at once incredibly unbearable.

Take for example, the demand of a person whom i love dearly, not romantically, but just plain ol' dearly lurve, to eliminate a person whom i long for terribly, from my life. Now i know some might be rolling their eyes at this instant but note that this is not the debut occurance. In fact, this would be the same time, to the same type of person, but by a source that i could try to overcome with.

Your head spinning already? Relax. Take a chill pill. Read the paragraph again til it makes sense. Else, proceed below for further elaboration =p

All i can say is, i don't think i will allow this person to take away the best thing that has ever happened to me for a bloody long period of time. Now, it's on its way to destruction just because of this person's ego. Formerly, it was because He wanted to take her back. But now... I won't let it fly by. Not anymore. Not if i can prevent it too. I can't give up this person because...

Just because.

Then, a couple, both close friends of mine whom i once thought were a match made in you-know-where, are officialy divorced today. *sigh*

That was after his wife confessed that she fancied me.
And that his wife wanted to migrate to Brissy.
And after his wife departed with her ex-girlfriend.
And after his kid got "insured" by a pusher.
And after his wife appointed me fairy-godmama of her kid.
And after he admitted that he will not surrender heroin.
And after her sufferings finally met its limit.

Sounds surreal, no? Imagine yourself in my shoes. My veins are bulging on the sides of my temples. And, it does not stop there. There's plenty than where that came from.

I am also very concerned about a dear friend who has to nurture a to-be-nearly-formed family that exists way ahead of schedule.
I am also very confused about my relationship with Mr.RJ.
I am also very crushed about my academic performance.

Pening la. Peninggg aku.

So, you feeling a lil' vain?

Tell-Tale Signs

You can tell she's mad when she blares slipknot or marilyn manson on full blast.
You can tell she's upset when she starts munching on chocolates.
You can tell she's sad when cookies & cream ice-cream becomes her b'fast, lunch & dinner.

"Who is she?" You might ponder.

Why, it is i of course, your very own noble sinner.

And yes, i am sinning badly now. Very very bad. With food.

Quote from Mr.DM, "If food were drugs, i'd OD for sure."

Hmph. I'm getting there. Won't be too long before i start crash-dieting again so i can fit into my size 6 pants that boasted every curve a lady could possibly possess.

OK so i'm over-reacting, no doubt about that. But how can i not when everything is going too friggin fast for me, topped off with a hell load of crap going on. So not only am i enduring the loudness of the clock ticking right before my very eardrums, but it's also ticking at a pace so rapid that even the clock itself couldn't keep up with time.

Makes sense? No? Good.

Because that's the way things are going on at the mo - nonsense.

It's funny, not ironic, but just plain funny, how us beings are blessed with the capacity to caress and gifted with the ability to think. Yet, these two very simple fundamentals are often muddled-up. In other words, most would think with their heart and not their brain. Hence, the result is more often than not, futile.

Bear with me. When the time is right, all will be revealed.

In the meantime, *cough! cough!* will NS survive through this ordeal? Will the weapons of emotion destruction get the better of her?

Stay tuned to find out.

Oh barf

She's gonna rock the floor and i won't be there to rock it!

The caption on the flyer reads:
"'I've never heard so much bass come out of such a little person' - someone once said to BeXta after one of her sets. BeXta is known for her hard trance, bangin beats and energetic vibe created every time she hits the dex."

and...

"Bexta started producing and performing dance music in 1993, and extended her talents to dj-ing in 1996. She has graced the stage along side acts such as Bjork, Prodigy, Fat Boy Slim, Chemical Brothers, Basement Jaxx, Timo Mass, Carl Cox and John Digweed, at events like the Big Day Out, Gatecrasher, Slinky and Utopia. BeXta has held the tittle as Australia's No.1 female DJ now for a number of years."

UWAAA!!!

Forgive me for my tantrum but i am a massive fan of this lady. Number uno on my female OZ DJ's list. Second comes Neroli. Third is Amber Savage, who is spinning next week btw. So anyway...

UUUWWWAAA!!!

Time to call for a halt for twadles. On to serious stuff.

According to a wise fren of mine, the fact that I can't see myself in five, let alone ten, years time is a bad sign. Especially since i'm turning two fat decades old by october first next year.

How can i possibly envision myself? Heck, i didn't even know or expect myself to get this far - to pursue my undergraduate years in business school. Never in my wildest expectations would i have presumed that i, a full-on science stream student, would lay my hands on business theories and strategies. Who would've expected one's very first ambition kicked off from being a pilot to a forensic scientist to a journalist to a rocket scientist to an interior designer to an architect and finally, to a business diplomat.

OK anyone can tell i was bullshitting about the rocket scientist bit. And anyone can also tell that with my half-blind vision, i am physically unfit as a pilot candidate.

*sigh* Like it's not bad enough that i'm struggling for survival with my current courses which has subsequently deteriorated my self-esteem and dignity. Now that i have someone who verbally vomited that not having my life planned out ahead of me is a bad indicator is like adding mayonaise to a plate full of freshly fried calamari rings, or onion rings, or whatever rings you prefer.

Hmm. Doesn't really make any sense, does it? Pfft. Emphasises my lack of intellectual capacity.

What i'm trying to get at is that getting negative reassurance just makes it a lot... Umm...

Well let's just say that i'm caught up in torn state-of-mind [if any].

I'm kinda torn between being completely demotivated, that i do not see the point of furthering my studies within the grades of a bright scholar, and otherwise. Demotivation was reflected during my accounting exam whereby i failed to complete the last two pages of my paper and yet, i found myself feeling not guilty or concerned about it. My head was genuinely fcuked up at that point in time and so therefore, the messages that were transmitted to my brain were, "Fcuk it. i'm not bothered. i can't wait to get back home to catch up with my lost hours of sleep."

However, do note that i do not take pride in my doings. In that one especially. In fact, typing that out takes a hell lot of courage as i am now haunted with a huge cloud of guilty conscience above my head. And also, not forgetting to mention the embarrasment of my disgraceful behaviour. Ugh.

On the other hand, feeling bad about this whole fiasco has also made me more determined to deny my failure; that i am convinced that what has happened was a mistake that was not to be repeated [for the third time]. I could do better than that.

I hope.

But the latter sentiment is taking charge of me now. I just hope that in one way or the other, i will come around eventually. And hopefully, before the eleventh hour.

Oh my goodness gracious little me. This is so farking hillarious. I have to get this out of my system for i am dying to share with the world what one of my mates has told me recently, which i think, is ridiculously funny.

The riddle goes a lil' sometin like this:
[NB: ML = Malay Language (Bruneian edition); EL = English Language]
[PREREQUISITES: Open mind]

ML: Kuyuk sama ayam kan melintas jalan raya. Siapa yang kana langgar dulu?
EL: A dog and a chicken were about to cross a road. Which would get roadkilled first?

ML/EL: Jeng, jeng, jeng...
[no translation needed]

ML: Anjing la.
EL: Dog la.

ML: Pasalnya...
EL: Because...

ML: Anjing matanya liat ke dapan saja.
EL: A dog's eyes looks straight ahead only.

OK for those who don't get that, i'll kindly and gladly offer the explanation to that joke: it's because a chicken's eyes are implanted on both sides of its head. Therefore, has the extraordinary ability to view any oncoming car from the left or right.

Another one?
Why not.

ML: Ada tiga peserta dalam pertandingan "nenen-sapa-basar".
EL: There were three contestants in a "who's-got-bigger-boobs" competition.

ML: Peserta pertama - Sebesar buah betik. *Orang bersorak*
EL: First contestant - As big as a papaya. *Crowd cheered*

ML: Peserta kedua - Sebesar buah tembikai. *Orang bersorak kuat2*
EL: Second contestant - As big as a watermelon. *Crowd cheered louder*

ML: Peserta ketiga - Sebesar buah epal. *Orang mem-boo*
EL: Third contestant - As big as an apple. *Crowd boo-ed*

ML: Nanti dulu.
EL: Hold on.

ML: Atu baru saiz puting nya.
EL: That's just the size of the nipple.

Har de har har! Funny right? Right? Rigghhhtt?

Hmph. I bloody well hope so. Otherwise it'll just reaffirm my theory:
- that i have a weird sense of humour
- that insignificant things appear to be highly amusing
- that i am lame

Boohoo. I need to get a life. Shows how much i've been doing with mine these days.

Having lived in an equatorial climate all my life has made humidity and that big, fat ball of hydrogen my daily companion. Therefore it's no wonder why i loathe ass-biting cold weather so much. Yet, the irony is that i long for a killer bleak weather, NOW. i've been sweating like an obese hippo ever since the day i set foot on this motherland of mine.

Ah well. My wish came partially true yesterday though; it rained. Woohoo.

Is it just me, or does the rain come in a package? It could come:
(a) with/without the sun
(b) with/without a scent
(c) with/without storms

I'd be a very happy person should anyone update me on any other available offerings by good ol' momma nature.

So anyway, i was hoping that it would be package B but to my dissapointment, it was rain package A. There's just something about the musty smell of the rain. Or it's probably just my nose playing tricks on my senses. But nevertheless, the sun was radiating loudly whilst the clouds urinated a whole reservoir. I just hate it when momma nature forgets to dim the lights when she decides to release her juices [sounds kinky]. You'd think with her being the boss around here she'd know every selok belok of the earth and its inhabitants' [i.e. me] demand. Sheesh. Might as well leave the sun up during the nite or let the moon keep the sun company side by side during the day.

Don't be surprised if you heard from the news, or word of mouth, that some girl in KB of Brunei D got struck by lightning the minute she stepped out of her home. I seriously don't know the meaning of appreciation. But then, i realise i'm not alone in this one. A good fren of mine doesn't seem to appreciate or let alone, recognize the sacrifice i had made, hoping that it would boost our quality time together.

Hmm... Another classic/pathetic entry. I feel so sorry for you for tolerating my absurd rants. But at the same time, look up to you for doing so.

Man, it's just full of darn contradictions. And bullpoo.

Bumped my head against the loo's washing basin earlier today. See, i dropped my glasses on the floor, bent down half-blindly only to push the glasses out from the open area towards the base of the sink. Picked it up and banged my rear skull upon my attempt to stand back up. With the echo in the loo, the thud was magnified large enough to compete against that of a gong. I was conviced at that moment the sink was expecting me to retort back at it with a handful of foul vocabulary. But instead...

[let me take a moment to reflect this & be proud of myself for it ;p]

So anyway, instead, i gave it one long, sympathetic look and pondered about who suffered more pain between the two of us. Me or the sink.

[now that i've proof read that sentence again it doesn't really give me a reason to be proud of myself, does it?]

Sometimes i consider myself as an intellect for thinking the unthinkable but realise soon enough that i was just being a smartass; that even the insane and beyond that would not have thought such a thing. Pfft.

Right. So my point is, whenever i, or anyone for that matter, is in pain, i wonder which party is suffering more. In that sink incident, i'm pretty sure i'm the victim, you reckon? Skull & ceramic?

Duh.

Similarly, in the event of fancying someone, i wonder which hurts more: not revealing my true emotions or not being able to be with the person.

I wasn't kidding when i announced that i had too much time to spare to the point of being capable to reincarnate my malfunctioned brain cells back to life.

All these while i have been living in great denial:
Of my feelings.
Of my needs.
Of my wants.

My relationship with Mr.RJ kicked off with a pretty rough start. I have Mr.DM to affirm on that point.

Throughout the whole process, i had put forward my feelings before his. I allowed the selfish side of me to emerge and take control; apparently to function as a test, which is partly true. But the truth is, i was just being selfish. Because i had had several shitty experiences before him, i decided that it was time to prioritize my happiness since i am young, free and single. The freedom that i was blessed with was surreal. I couldn't believe how much fun i had with myself and my frenz. And from then on, i pampered myself with the carefree and reckless side of me. Therefore to allow him to be a part of my life was insignificant at that moment. I did not need him. I did not want him.

Mr.RJ did not, however, give up. Despite several confrontations and bitter incidents between me and him, and most of them due to coincidential misunderstandings, he did not give up on me. He kept coming back to me regardless of the deleted contact details. He kept trying to win my heart with his frequent invitations of meeting up and what nots, only to face negaitve responses, one after the other. If it wasn't because i was already engaged in a certain activity, it was because i didn't feel like doing it because i didn't want to lead him or give him too much hope.

I kept reminding myself of the dark side of being with him especially his irritatingly frustrating habit that never fail to tick me off. And you know me, little things can amuse me easily. Similarly, little things can infuriate me as well.i won't mention what though. But most of the time, i can assure you that i tried so hard to look at the negative side of him, so that i have a reason to hold a grunge against him, so that i won't have to like him as much. So that i won't fall into that pithole, i.e. falling in love.

It wasn't until our last outing at Gold Coast that i finally saw the sincerity in him. How much effort he is willing to exert, how much trouble he would go to just to make me happy, how much he really wanted to be with me...

Til then, i realised, why am i being such a pain? Why can't i just admit that i connect with this guy? Why can't i admit that he does make me happy? Why can't i appreciate his doings? Why can't i try to understand him as much as he is trying to understand me?

Obviously i can't run over the details of what exactly has happened between the past four months of knowing each other for you to better understand the whole situation. But all i can say is, he is definitely worth it. I'm just afraid that i am not.

Well, well, well. Guess who finally got a taste of home bitter-sweet home? Why, me of course!

Having said that, i appologize for leaving you beautiful people out there high and dry with my lack of update. Blame it on the minute raya buzz in me and the inevitable classic hormone - laziness. Most would assume that i'd be wrapped up with my present life when in actual fact, there's not much going on. Well maybe not around me, but definitely in the head.

Perhaps the only highlight, apart from meeting the family and frenz, would have to be my intimate moments with the closed ones, especially Mr.AR. OK this is gonna lead to a temporary gushing moment so bear with me.

I'd have to say that I am beyond ecstatic now that we've picked up where we left off and definitely patched things up with the deep and meaningful conversations we spewed over our meetings. Geez it's a wonderful feeling isn't it? It's one of those times when you can't help but grin from ear to ear upon bidding farewell as the both of yous finally but reluctantly decide to call it a night. Particularly since it's a long time buddy. And a damn good one at that. Even describing how i felt throughout that instant and after still managed to have a goofy smile plastered onto my face.

Also, i was taken aback when we both discovered that we were in the same state of mind AND same experience. Well, fairly similar anyway. But nevertheless, it's like we're guiding each other throughout the same journey, the same path, the same everything. It wasn't until then that i was assured that we were both reflections of each other or that we were both brought into this world together as one person but somehow along the way our souls slipped and fell into the dicing machine and thus, splitting our hormones with him inheriting my masculinity ones and i left with his femininity. Not that i am ungrateful and not that it's religiously possible but... A little tweak of imagination here and there just brings more life to the story innit? Heehaw ~

Oh and also, mine got stuck in the gears of the machine for a year [because Mr.AR is a year older see] so the lucky beeyatch got a taste of life a year before me. Pfft. Lucky brat.

Funny what time can do to a person - it runs away from you when you needed it most but lingers around for long when you want it to pass by quickly. And it doesn't stop sinning there. It does stuff to your head. Well, my head anyway. Thoughts race at 300kmph and often, consisting of unnecessary and irrelevant ones. What's more, those with too much on their hands are the ones most productive, in a sadistic way. If, y'know what i mean.

Right time for a little retreat now. Those interested in the touchy feely side of me should watch out for my 'Discovery Channel' post following this, fairly soon ;]

Meanwhile have a jolly good on

mp3:
Sudirman - Dari Jauh Ku Pohon Maaf
Mamat - Ku Pohon Restu Ayah Bonda
M. Nasir - Satu Hari Di Hari Raya
Aishah - Setitis Cahaya Di Aidilfitri
Siti Nurhaliza - Air Mata Syawal

[center image extracted then modified from ayermuleh]

Somehow the image above makes us seem like we're some kinda bandits or something. Nevertheless, i had to censor our faces by blurring our beyond peculiar facial features to preserve annonymity. For those who are keen/curious/obsessed with our looks, the 'uncensored' version can be found in my LiveJournal ;p

The mother and father rang from motherland earlier this evening. Let's just say there were more tears than laughters. Having said that, it's pretty obvious that i long for the "Damit jua ko mengarat kek atu, NS! Jangantah karit deh," and "Damiti muzik mu atu sikit NS! Pakak bapa mu ani kang," rants from mumy & dady dearest respectively. Therefore, the gloomy ambience is currently draining my mood to post despite the festive season. So i guess i ought to go drool over the following images.

and

Meanwhile you lot have a good one. Also, not forgetting a massive thank you shoutout for all the lovely raya greetings from the lovely readers. *BiGGG HugzZz*

A handful of bored individuals managed to stumble across my site by keying in the following criteria that brought them to http://ns.crapism.org

Altavista & Google searchengine queries:
1. smelling panties in laundry
2. my fly was undone
3. mysterious 'holes in clothing'
4. red mitsubishis
5. chibai

Those are, among the many, my top five favourites. Cool or what? Now noble sinner's reputation revolves around panties, fanny and pills. Sweet ;]

On the contrary, i must have some bot attacking my site on a particular post or something. Well it's bloody irritating. Those IPs have been leaving links on my comment boxes. What the hell do these spam agents think i am? Their advertising medium? I mean, sure it might seem like i'm reporting almost all major life-threatening *snort* matters on site but really, do i look like your local publicity enthusiast? Like i'm not much of a blabbermouth already right? Hmph.

Diet advice lah. Medical advice lah. Direct TV adverts and the like. Chipet.

There. There's something new to lookup your fave search engine.

Speaking of blabbering, i seriously need to watch what i say. Often i'd land myself in the most awkward situation either because:
(a) i think i had said something that i shouldn't have, OR
(b) i know i had said something that i shouldn't have said.

Like that time when Ms.YA's boyfren, Mr.YH, unexpectedly walked into the study room while Ms.YA was preapring us supper. He prompted us for the user of his girlfren's nick, whom is apparently off limits on MIRC.
[justification: MIRC was where they hooked up together and so Mr.YH is skeptical about Ms.YA's intention to chat there again]

Moving on, Ms.OL, sat next to me and undeinably gifted with a brain, covered Ms.YA by taking the blame. I, on the other hand, yelled Ms.YA's name instead of Ms.OL's. The irony was that finger confidently pointed towards Ms.OL. That moment lead to raised eyebrows from Mr.YH, arched eyebrows from Ms.YA and crossed ones from Ms.OL.

Mine?

I think mine fell off. Both sides too. I spent the whole nite appologizing to Ms.YA discreetly for my clumsiness and also reassured Mr.YH that i was thinking about the food prepared in the kitchen by Ms.YA. Hence, leading me to blurt out her name despite the chatter being Ms.OL. Pfft. I'm pathetic when it comes to white lies.

Then last nite, upon returning from the Royal Exchange, me and Mr.DM entered into an unusually very silent apartment of ours. So based on the present situation, we assumed that our third flatmate, Ms.WL was out. So in a mocking/joking tone i chanted a very eager "YES!". Though i must point out, that i have nothing against her and that i was only being a goofball, as always. We always do that to each other - healthy mockery.

So i proceeded into my bachelorette-flair bedroom [bejurit nyamo] after a good 15 minutes worth of spring cleaning. Upon checking my emails, i heard a soft rap on the door. I turned around and received the shock of the week. It was Ms.WL! She had been in her bedroom all along! Dozing off i think.

Naturally, being the blur prick that i was, i didn't remember what i said earlier on in the entrance until she went back to sleep again. Seriously, i felt like pounding myself with the bananas i just bought from Coles. Hmph.

I reported this concern to Mr.DM, who agreed that i ought to clarify the ridicule to Ms.WL before she gets the wrong idea about me being overjoyed with her absence, which, is not the case by the way. I enjoy the company of both my flatmates immensely. And i'm not just saying that to suck up but it's because that's how i really feel. If i were unhappy about something or someone i'd say it straight to their face, regardless of whether they are able to accept it or not.

That too, is one of the main reasons why i hate myself when i speak up. The probability of me wounding others' feelings due to my straightforward nature is beyond possible. Shame on me.

I just need to remind myself to be aware of the appropriate scenario, i.e. when to speak and when not to - often only when the situation really calls for it. Otherwise my foes list will surely outnumber my friends'. That's not good. Though i honestly don't give a flying rat's ass on who fancies me and who doesn't. But PR is extremely crucial these days. You never know.

Oh for those who don't already know, i'm also posting daily rants on livejournal for the more 'undisclosed' entries. Accessibility is restricted so add/sign up.

Heehaw~

As promised, a little sneak peak on the twisted tradition Mr.DM and myself discovered as flatmates.

David Meera strutting his moves.

The gay PDA.

In elevator transporting us to our unit.

Also, last night's episode was indeed saucy. Apparently Ms.M, as predicted, reunited with her girlfren AND to top that, they both had gotten engaged! Whoopie-do.

That's not bizarre by the way. To me anyway. I know of two gay couples in Canada who recently decided to tie the knot and who also happen to be my mates. Hence, whilst others would regard this so-called 'lifestyle' a little bit too peculiar for their likings, it's pretty much of a norm for me.

So when Ms.M made the announcement, i simply smiled and congratulated her. And Mr.DM, being the smartass that he is, queried on my well-being. LOL. Like it mattered!

I am aware of the reasonably large fraction of the society whom are against gay marriages due to moral issues and ethical beliefs. I respect their opinion and in return, hope that they would respect mine for viewing it as being an OK matter. Because honestly, i couldn't be bothered as i have better things to worry about. Like i always say, i live my life based on the principle of doing whatever one wishes to do provided that what they are doing will not bring harm or whatsoever to those surrounding them.

In other words, you get on with your life & i'll get on with mine; Don't step on my toes & we'll get along just fine.

However, i do think that gay couples having children is a little bit too extreme. I understand the prospect of wanting to raise a household and have a complete family just like everybody else. But one cannot afford to turn a blind eye and remain ignorant towards the anti party. As there are still and will always be people who strongly oppose this concept, it won't make the life of the child any easier. It would indeed be a blessing should the child grow up with a high level of self-esteem and possess the necessary strength to shut the discrimination away from his/her life. But realistically, what are the odds of this happening to every child whose parents/guardian are gay and married to each other? What if the child realises that he/she isn't built for this type of challenging scenario? I'm pretty sure that it will bring about some serious consequence to the kid and his future.

But then again, that's just my point of view. Meanwhile i have to shove this thingamajig aside to make way for my BSAC1101 final revision before i enter the examination hall with a head full of gay-related issues and ideas. Wonder how that would affect the marking experience of the examiner.

mp3:
Tiesto Feat. Kirsty Hawkshaw - Just Be
Paul Oakenfold - Southern Sun
Ian Van Dahl - I Can't Let You Go
John 00 Fleming - I'm Not Fooled
4 Strings - Take Me Away

Woke up this morning & thought "eh?"

Approaching the edge of my bedroom balcony...

It's raining again!

Hee. I can't help with being easily amused. Sor-rey.

Another bleak weather today. It has been pouring for the past couple of days which has ultimately affected my mood as well. Surprisingly, i find myself embracing the tranquility instead of typically allowing myself to trip into the sullen pit. I like it like this.

OK that's enough, ns. Too much lust for something insignificant.

Several years back, i remember being extremely psyched as soon as someone mentions the word "Life". I remember having the desperate urge to discuss about it, being abnormally descriptive, being immensely passionate about its elements, and overall, being unhealthily in love with it.

Now though, i can't help but scoff whenever the word falls to my malfunctioned eardrums.

It's not that i am being unkind to those who appreciate life as it is [there, mentioning it is enough to make me cringe]. Whatever you feel strongly about, go for it. It's just that, back then i was beyond naive and had expectations that were impossible for an average person to live up to. i fail to recognise that beings are imperfect. As a consequence, a series of dissapointing incidents kept lining up one behind the other.

Like everybody else, i have been burnt. I acknowledge this fact. Also, i am aware that if it hadn't been for those painful lessons, i wouldn't have seen the many individual traits. It just saddens me whenever i under or over-estimate a person's capabilities. Especially by those whom i thought i could surrender my trust whole-heartedly. Serves me right though. I have been warned. It's my fault that i chose not to listen and went against the odds. Having said that, i do not, however, have the slightest ounce of regret. While some would find it ironic, i find it logical for the absence of those mishaps would have encouraged me to live my life *gloat* naively.

WAIT. Op, op. i just have to point something out: How naive is pronounced as nah-yi-eve and not neyve as it is spelt.

Heehaw~

Anyway, my point is, i agree i am a bitter & miserable person who can't help but have a lot of doubts and worries, especially when it comes to people who are so irritatingly nice. Nice people scare me. Fullstop.

Pretty contradicting to what i said earlier on, about not being depressed with the weather. And yet here i am, posting another gloomy entry. Sheesh. I need to rack my brain for necessary purposes, like for tomorrow's BSAC1101 exam. But before that, i'm looking forward with my male partner in crime, Mr.DM, to keep the tradition alive - the last sunday nite gateway to better prepare and brace ourselves for the new, if not the challenging [HAH!], week ahead by going out clubbing.

I know, i know. We're just sadistic party freaks who just don't know when to call it a day.

Will probably narate another series of tonite's episode tomorrow should there be anything interesting to share with you lot. Meanwhile, take it easy.

For the Big poo

I'm missing out on this bit tonight!

Yes, the third best DJ in the world & i gave him up for my accounting books. Pfft. Now there's an improvement.

As for the main event;
HAPPY 20TH BIRHTDAY TO THE BIG POO, MR.AL

The best guy buddy i've ever and can ever wish for. You mean alot to me pal. Just thought you'd know that. Have a good one while you anticipate your post-b'day celebration with me in two weeks time ;]

Lub yah to bits. Always will no matter what.

Naughty Chilies

Notice those tiny red weapons of mass destruction up there?

Well i was stir frying the portable family a vegetable dish earlier this evening, see. So i chopped the usual: onion, garlic & of course, it wouldn't be complete without dropping in some good ol' tiny chillies. I plopped two into the wok, along with a lil hint of black pepper and generous splash of tabasco sauce. Heheh. Sounds evil i know. Well i have a reputation to live up to too, y'know.

My faith in karma really hit me hard this time. I had the most irksome itch right up the left rim of my nose.

It came, then it went away.
Came again, then went away again.
Itch, no itch.
On, off.

OK so you get the picture. Simultaneously, i was unable to resist my temptation and gave my nose a long, hard scratch.

Ahh~ nothing more soothing than a nose job.

Soon i realised that while i had managed to give my nose a top-rated treatment, i certainly failed to do so on the hand-washing department. Within a split second my nose was engulfed with inferno.

PADAS TU BAYI!

Translation: Damn that's hot!
[NB: not a literal translation.]

So i rubbed my nose again, hoping that it would rub the the heat off. And this time, much more furiously & rapidly. Yes i know what you're thinking - It will only trigger the heat on both sides this time instead of making it dissapear. But you know what? You're wrong. HAH!

Because it did not trigger the heat. It burnt my friggin nose you silly you.

There i attempted in cooling it by washing it off but i couldn't tolerate the shame in stepping out of my room with two very enlarged nostrils. What on earth was David Meera's dad gonna think of me now? I've mutated into a hippopotamus. That's what. Hmph.

Speaking of chilli spots, i remember one of my loony mates, the queen of klutz, Mrs.KL, preparing us some chilli corn carne on one drunken nite. Then as she was amidst of dicing the tiny chilli padies, i assumed that the booze was pounding against her bladder. So she made a dash outta the kitchen towards the loo. When she came back she was fanning her fanny like crazy.

"Chibai kia! My chibai so hot!"
[NB: chibai = fanny]

Never fail to crack me up whenever that tragedy comes to mind.

But then again, who am i to judge anyway? I torched my nostrils too. Pfft.

Need a green tea break. Oh apparently this article here from The Age reported some really good stuff about tea enthusiasts: that it would help prevent alzheimer's disease. Hooray for me! Alas the beginning of my journey to repairing my memory, which has an attention span of a goldfish.

Of course, other measures include washing hands thouroughly after every chilli operation.

More Less Action

mp3:
Lamb - Gabriel
Bent - Swollen
Pink Martini - Sympathique
Digby Jones - Pina Colada [Jazz Mix]
Deep & Wode - Easy Rider

A very tiring week indeed. Been running around like a lost hyenna getting the major marketing project, which is to establish a company that produces a breakfast cereal package. How exciting. Also, been doing tons of researching on some Australian company for the major accounting project. Then there's business law e-quizes and such. So there, the academic side of my life. I told you i haven't been partying 24/7. Now that we've sorted that loud & clear, let's shove it out of the way, shall we? Very happy to put that aside.

Had a wonderful time last nite. Good music, good buzz. Definitely paid-off all that hard work and brain racking sessions. Thanx again to the man, the lovely David Meera. I owe you one buddy. Will definitely return the favour fairly soon. Us mad pricks have to stick together, y'know.

Then of course, there's the unforgettable and perhaps, embarrasing highlight when my klutzy hormones kicked in and caused me to smack this lesbian chick in the face.

Whoops!

OK so here's the nitty-gritty scoop. A couple of weeks ago when the gang went to The Family for a fren's b'day celebratoin, this lady, Ms.M, who was dancin in front of me pointed out how groovy my hat was. So i was like, yeah ok thanx mate. Then she kept goin on and on about how unique it was and how she much she admires it.

Get over it woman. It's just a friggin barette.

So the usual: nod, nod, smile, smile. My mind was screaming to get on dancing coz the buzz was really working its way into the system. Then after what seemed like a desperate urge to get it out, she gushed, "Can i just say how incredibly gorgeous you are?"

*Gulp!*

I didn't know where to look. I was torn between embarassment, flattery and extreme awkwardness. So i squaked a timid, "You too," to which i got a reply, "Thank you. Say how come i've never seen you around before?"

It was really tempting to blurt out, "Coz you didn't look hard enough." But of course, that would lead to a whole different story now, wouldn't it?

So i just shrugged politely, excused myself & made a dash towards the loo only to crack up laughing on my own.

I GOT PICKED UP BY A HOT LESBIAN!

Man if i were gay i'd be all over her. Yes she was pretty. Tall and blonde. Thankfully we don't have to worry about that department though. Then i shared this story with David Meera whom, as expected, made some really nasty comments which i am in no hurry to disclose here. LOL.

Wortsits.

I don't know why i said that either. Just felt like it. Hee haw.

So back to last nite's agenda. The same chick, Ms.M, was chattering to me about some things i can't make out clearly what because:
1. Music was blaring hard & loud.
2. Buzz was distorting my senses.

Oh hold the phone. *Ponders hard* Right, it was about how she chose to wear glasses that night instead of contacts because she couldn't be bothered to have them on. After all, i wear them, she said.

Wow. Am i THAT big on influencing people? Yipes.

Then at one point, she shielded the left side of my view with her hand to mock the other two ladies at the corner who were all over each other. So i did this gesture of waving the thought out of my head coz i obviously have seen more than where that came from. Y'know, the 'whatever-man-i-don't-give-a-damn' wave. Unfortunately, the timing was perfect. Why? Because as i was doing that, Ms.M bent over to say more things [coz the lady is damn tall]. That's when i slapped her - by accident. So you can imagine the horrific look on both our faces: hers from bewilderment, mine from embarassment.

Sor-rey!

So shit. So malu la.

But then again, oh well. It's not like it mattered anyway. Just at that time when her ex-girlfriend gave me a long & cold glare. WHAT?! Think i'm gonna court your lady? Pfft.

No really, PFFFTTT.

OK retreating to the books again. Just thought i'd amuse you with that little tale there. Take care, all you beautiful people.

Alive and Kicking

After what seemed like forty-eight hours worth of agony and sheets upon sheets of kleenex, i finally got what i wished for:

I'M CURED BABY!

Hooray fer me, beetch. *mwahzz* me.

OK obviously the fever got to me brains, which is, by the way, at the size of a shrivelled green pea.

See, the deal was, i vowed to Ms.YK, who insisted on paracetamols or neurofens, that i would gain full recovery by today. Being the stubborn cow that i am, i strongly objected the idea of turning to chemicals as my system is already fully loaded with them. The last thing i need is just more toxic in my body. So i made an oath that i would not rely on such medicines; that i would put my immune system to a test with the aid of drug-free herbal pain killers and spirulina tablets.

And boy did it work wonders for me. Gulped down plenty of water with four of the gigantic herbal medicine and ten spirulinas. Topped it off with a nutritious cereal beverage and a good nite's sleep. Wa lah~ I'm healthy again the minute i opened my oversized-but-half-blind eyes.

No mucus.
No chest pains.
No panda eyes.
No migraines.

I'm as good as new!

Except for that bit of being half-blind. I wonder if eating three kilos of raw baby carrots could do the trick. Hmm... Oh and also, i haven't missed [and i don't intend to] any of my fasting days too.

So, am i not an inpiration to you already? Hyuk hyuk hyuk!

Buzzaway

Well, well, well. This is rather contradicting:

"Israel�s Justice Ministry announced this week that people caught in possession of up to five ecstasy pills will no longer face prosecution, and explained that the change is �a case of adapting legislation to meet reality� (Ha'aretz, Jerusalem).

"... possession of even one pill will still be technically a crime and explained the new category of �personal use� is designed to distinguished between users and suppliers...

"The change coincided with the publication of a report in the UK by leading civil liberties organisation Transform which predicted that all drugs will be legalised in the UK by 2020."

Courtesy of: ITM News - Israel decriminalises ecstasy

My general opinion is that, there is never a fully beneficial outcome to every story. There has to be pros & cons. Tradition, i suppose. Or rather, that's just the way things work. We can't always choose to be biased & naive & ignorant. Surely severe consequences would have to be dealt with if that were the case. The reality is that, in the clubbing scene, the usage of drugs is inevitable. It will get circulated, one way or the other. So what's the point in trying to turn a blind eye?

On the other hand, however, the tragic case of the 'Red Mitsubishis' [girl died by dropping half of the tablet containing PMA] reflected the dangers of consuming party drugs. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why they were made illegal in the first place. Therefore, the only possible solution is to ensure that the eckies are of laboratory-tested MDMA & not just from some dodgy garage ensemble.

Images extracted from erowid

Common form of impurities include micro-sized glass bits, rat poison & whatnots. One of my mates in KL once found himself staring at a wire upon snapping the eckie in half. Must be some cheapskate deal.

More info & on drugs and such on the ever-popular erowid site. Also, more reasons to believe why anyone of reasonable intelligence ought to avoid them chemicals.

NB: Whilst care has been taken to preserve the relevance of the presented facts, the disclaimer shall hold no responsibility should the reader abuse the delivered information as the main purpose of context is to educate & entertain.

Heyfever

OK OK so you got me! What more can you ask for? Leave me aloneee!!!

*WAARTCHOOO!*
*Sniff! Snort! Sniff!*

Damn pollen grains.

Woke up this morning with a throbbing head.
Looked in the mirror with puffy eyes.
Breathed in with a heavy chest & stuffed nose.

Uh-oh. Mrs.VY's tale of chronic hayfever during her first stay in spring-seasoned Canada struck me. I had the same symptoms. Drat! It's now back to sweaters and jumpers and two layers of socks and whatnots. Oh the glory of being ill.

Now i really wished i was back home. Where mother would make me all sorts of appetizing dishes because when i am ill, i loose my appetite pretty badly. Then father would give me a soothing head massage and both would ensure that i do not get out of bed [excludes loo visits of course] by getting brother to guard me. Then it's DVD marathon all the way.

Yes, I know what you're thinking - spoiled brat.

But i can't help it. I'm so used to being pampered when i'm unwell. *sigh!* Now i wish i have a boyfriend who will bring me abalone porridge & McD's filet-o-fish & warm vanilla malt milk & black forest cheesecake. Heheh... what a way to boost the lost appetite ;p

Oh well. I just need to be a big girl, for once. But man do i miss my family. This fever bullshit is making me feel super depressed too. Plus, my body's burning as we speak. Better check temperature now.

*licks index finger before placing it at the hips*

*sizzle-sizzle!*

Yup, it's official. I am one hot sick chick.

Ramadhan

"The bazaars in Brunei are bustling again with Muslims shopping for delicacies and food before breaking fast in the Holy month of Ramadhan."

Courtesy of: Sunday Borneo Bulletin.

Boo Hoo! i'm missing out! =,(

Mothball versus Scissors

"CHONGQING - Residents of a remote village in south-west China have been baffled by a strange phenomenon for the past 32 years - holes appearing mysteriously in clothes and fabric that are not worn on the body."

i thought of mothballs at this stage, until...

" 'We tried all sorts of things, hid the clothes in the cupboard, put them at the head of the bed, but the holes kept appearing for no reason. However, the people soon noticed that clothing that was worn on the body did not get unexplained holes appearing in them,' according to Madam Peng."

OK so maybe wearing all seven underwears in one day, layers upon layers with the 'Monday' for Mondays inside first, followed by 'Tuesday' for Tuesdays over the Monday layer, and so on, will probably get in the way of the farmer's comfort when they're out harvesting their crops.

"Panic soon spread among the people in the small village, some of whom then decided to pack up and leave."

New neighbour: So what brings you to this village?
Former Chongqing resident: Here no need to worry about holes in my crocodiles.

"Mostly illiterate, the villagers at that time thought evil spirits were at work and called in a medium to exorcise the spirits."

Devil at work - *Snip! Snippity! Snip! Snip! Snip!* "Nyahaha!"

"An expert believed the mysterious holes were probably the result of movements in the earth's magnetic field that were caused by environmental changes, the report said."

Man i adore the paranormal world.

Maybe i have lost it. Been tripping for three days in a row. Hence the mocking attitude. Anyway, the story is in courtesy of today's issue of Singapore's The Straits Times, 'Mystery of the holes in clothes'.

On a more serious note, maybe this would enlighten my doubts about eBay:

"... the teenager topped up his pocket money to the tune of �45,000 by preying on unsuspecting bargain hunters on the internet auction site eBay. He offered non-existent electrical items for sale on the site and squirrelled some of the money buyers handed over into his several bank accounts, splashing the rest of it on his lavish lifestyle."
- The Guardian: Boy, 16, in �46,000 eBay con

Forty-six grand?! In POUNDS!

*fantasizes about a theraphetic shopping spree*

Hoo boy... You and i both, pal.

Hard Wire: The Verdict

It was fab. All that wait since last week's entry finally paid off. Fairly similar to last month's Time Tunnel except it was jammed packed then. This one was rather deserted. Well at least there's more space to dance.

Hardwire @ Arena 2004

The lights

The crowd

The fairy

The kitty

The shufflers

DJ Jon Langford (UK) & the massive visual screen

Apparently i got the best deal in the market which was pretty hard to get a hold of. Mr.K and his mates have been searching high and low for it since their last drop at the start of the year. Unfortunately, i got a little too worried about a particular mate who has low tolerance on chemicals/alcohol & therefore my alertness got the better of me & somehow managed to fade the buzz. Now ain't that dandy.

Some might find me odd but when i'm out clubbing, i'd like to be left alone & appreciate the music. A little bit of chat here & there is fine but when someone is in my face too much, i get irritated & feel the desperate urge to make a dash towards the nearest exit. Then there are those who brag about being filthy rich and practically worship money, yet live on other's water bottles. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely don't mind sharing. In fact, it worries me when people are not drinking as much water. The irony is that one can afford to purchase three A$40.00 pills (ea) but found the cost of a A$4.00 water ridiculously expensive. Strange that.

Time to call it a day i guess. Ramadhan is approaching very soon. I don't think i have that much willpower to live with a guilty conscience by going out clubbing, tripping my head off while people back home are performing the terawih. Not that what i am doing is ethical religious-wise anyway, but...

Let's just say i too, have my own limits.

Daily Principles

Whatever you do, at the start of a new day, always:

1. Zip first then button your pants.
2. Work your shirt buttons from top to bottom.

What happens when you do not follow these two very important daily-life principle is that, you end up looking like you've just donated your organs to the farmer to have them sundried then roasted over a bonfire with marshmallows to feed the wild boars. Don't worry, i don't get that either.

So after hopping out of the bus, feeling like a million bucks after that refreshing morning shower with Faithless's soothing 'I am waiting' humming in my eardrums, i stopped by the ladies' only to find myself gaping at the mirror for about sex... sorry, i meant SIX fat seconds. To my horror, my fly was undone AND i missed a button on my Giordano white blouse. To top it off, it was neither at the very top nor very bottom. No siree. It was right smack in the middle of my clevage, thus exposing my favourite black-and-red, cute little-hawaiian-surfer-girl-with-a-peace-gesture lingerie. What a mouthful.

If anyone could ever die from embarrasment, i would make history. Most likely for being the first person and the steady record holder for the infinite number of embarassing incidents.

Just like that time when i smacked some other chick's bottom with my physics textbook by mistake, thinking that it was one of my girlfriends.

Then there's that time when i stepped out of the public loo with my pants soaking wet and soggy boots because the toilet decided to flush me instead of my by-product.

And not forgetting that moment when i said to my girl friend, "Oh so this is your brother," pointing at her picture with her hair cropped short.

People, do understand that I have a reputation to live up to; and that is to be a loony idiot.

Somebody shoot me. Please.

Forwared Love

Six years ago, i came up with my first email address which was severely infected with a perky disease. What i mean by this is that, it had a rather dodgy and immature user name. You know how it is when you first start something you tend to overdo it with the 'creativity' section. But as time goes by, and seeing more of something, you know which appearance or impression is more appropriate. Some would regard it as "learning". I suppose the exposure gives you a little bit of an insight of the real deal.

Take, for instance, web building. You can tell it's the debut masterpiece with fonts THIS BIG and text tYpEd likE tHiS in bright yellow font in a neon green background. Graphix too comprises of those obtained from Google or Yahoo! search engines. And you'd normally see those fluttery doves with envelopes in their beaks floating above a mailbox, usually gif files, to act as the 'mail me' link.

Then, as one does a little research and sight-seeing, he then upgrades to flash and use standard-sized fonts, typically less than or equal to three types of font sytles. Colours too tend to be more friendlier to the eyesight, thus projecting a more professional look.

That is one long and detailed metaphor, no?

So anyway, back to my email issue. As i was a newbie and green to all this emailing scene, i get extremely psyched when i get 2-for-1 deals of collagen supplements, thinking that these firms are actually personally concerned about my well-being and how i am going to start wrinkling at thirty-four. Then there were other sorts of promotions that never fail to excite me whenever i access my account thinking, "Aww... Nestle is too kind."

Yes, i admit. Sakai. I was naive and gullible and whatnots.

Also, back then, i respond to every single forwarded messages sent; particularly chain letters and oh-so-touching forwards. Can you believe that i, the ever sensible noble sinner, did such a thing? Of course you do.

Nowadays i still get those forwards. Especially from those who can't be bothered to drop even a single line to say hi and let me know that they're doing (un)well. Apparently the reason being is because of the numerous workload they're constantly bombarded with. Yet the irony is that, an average of ten forwards a week at the length of an essay has been read and sent. Oh i'm sure that the time required to do all those would be less than typing out a two-lettered greeting and click send. No doubt there.

OK so let's say that forwards indicate that i am still in his mailing list and that i have not been forgotten. Not yet anyway. But how do you explain those whom i barely know, and deliver out those 'you are special to me & i love you' messages and saying the same to the other twenty-six in his mailing list? I can't be that charismatic and influential that i am able to get on his buddies list after two minutes worth of virtual chat.

Odd. One actually told me to protect his ego. That he wanted his mailing list to look good and that he had a lot of friends. Maybe that's where the 'If you send to 1-5 you're liked. If you send this to 6-10 then you're loved' comes into effect. Or is it the other way around. Either way is just sad. Then there are those who believe whole-heartedly on the threats from chain letters that their happiness depended on forwarding emails. How pathetic can you get?

This day, whenever i receive a forwarded mail, especially from a respectable person, i begin to doubt whether what was said in the email is sincere or is it just out of pure boredom and ignorance. In other words, it's pitiful matters like these that make the meanings of the messages less meaningful than it should be. Forwards, it seems to me, are just that - forwards.

Last week had been a blast

Last week had been a blast. Despite a few shitty episodes, the company of my mates somehow managed to clear my polluted mind.

Special thank yous to the gang who went through a lot of hassle for the surprise birthday party. I was gobsmacked the minute i walked into my apartment only to see balloons hanging over the laundry doorway and the twenty-ish people booming "Happy Birthday!" I just cannot believe that i, of all i-can-sense-what's-goin-on people, did not have the slightest clue about what's going on. Probably because I was highly aware of people having heaps of commitment & therefore had expected nothing more than a greeting. Lucky for me, they lived up beyond my expectations [though some below but it doesn't matter anymore]. The bottom line is, i was stuffed with a three pound chocolate mud cake & had real good fun. Not to mention feeling more worthwhile than ever. Whee!

Much gratitude to the commitee members' manager, Mr.FY, followed by assistant manageress, Ms.WL and other supervisors, Ms.YK & hubby Mr.AD. And the OSMN sisters. LOL! Of course, the list goes on. Chances are, they won't be reading the cast & credits list anyway so i'll just save it for a good use in the near future.

Here i present you the new members of the family:

Teddy bear 3/4 my size which i'd like to call Smirnoff. Apparently upon purchasing, Ms.WS had to give it a piggy back ride all the way from around the city to the apartment & among the many grins she got from passersby, one actually pointed out that the bear itself was bigger than her. LOL! A very much appreciated gift from the gang.

Baileys, the adorable puppy with floopy ears, courtesy of Ms.H13.

The kitty with silk fur, Caviar. Came a long way from motherland by the family at home.

As the decision to remain anonymous still stands, pictures are not available to the general public unlike my previous blog. However, they can be accessed via David Meera's site, password protected [i think]. Or what the hell, i'll be emailing them upon request fairly soon.

Having frenz is a gift. You guys just don't know how much this means to me.

Soup tulang

Suddenly the thought of being able to open my eyes and realise i'm half blind is more thrilling than having a fifty-nine minute orgasm.

Haa. I'm just kidding. I'm not that obsessed with being an orgasmic-killing machine.

Seriously, i am half-blind. One time i was at a shopping mall in a foreign country to have my glasses renewed and went *WHAM!* on the shop's glass door because i did not realise that it was nine centimetres away from my face.

Momma threw her head back and howled with laughter instead of the typical, "Are you OK?"

Why, thank you mother dearest.

She choked on her cendol from severe laughing though.

*Snicker*

Nevertheless, i am still grateful at this moment to be able to realise that i :
1. Have only A$1.63 in my Commonwealth Bank account,
2. Have three major assignments due & haven't started scratch yet,
3. Have to shed layers upon layers of blubber,
4. Have yet to kick a habit,
5. Have to face my biggest fear which seems to be surfacing everyday.

Yes, the irony of my ever-so-exciting life. I have no doubt that the list could stretch to an infinite number. BUT i am aware that i am so much better off than probably half of the world's inhabitants. Then again, i am also highly aware that i am not even close to success when compared to the many individuals of my age who earn US$85 per hour with feet up on their computer desk, munching on pizza hut's supreme, gulping sodas, clicking their career away. I'm being serious. That's what my mate Mr.DL does three times a week as a freelance web designer. i suppose it depends on how high you aim in life. Most of the time i think it's good to use those ahead of us as a source for inspiration. Other times i reckon it's good to realise we are beyond fortunate when compared to those who strive for a grain of rice.

Am i not the biggest indecissive loser you have ever met?

Life is too addictive for me. The elements are anyway. It's like taking a bubble bath; always trying out new aromas, hooked on one brand if not the other. One minute i'm obsessed with green tea and mint. The next i'm switching to green curry and basil. Then it's cocoa and lemon-butter. They're all odd. And i put up with them, just for the sake of trying out.

Making any sense? I sure hope not.

It's funny how 'sure' is pronounced as shu-err. And 'surprise' as ser-praiz. Like Mrs.X saying to Mr.X, "Shur-praiz sayang! I made you shupp tulang."

The wonders of language.

By the way, it's my birthday today. Don't you think i am by far, wiser than i was yesterday? I think so.

Not.

Have a good one, all you beautiful people.

Mandarin Orange

Today, i bought a mandarin orange at the uni's only fruit stall on behalf of Mr. JL - the only lad i knew who resembled a lot like one because us girls who played basketball in college used to cheer on him playing on the boys' team in his bright orange Nike shox and his plus-sized orange-and-black AND1 basketball jersey.

Mr. JL, only nineteen years of age, died of heart attack in Melbourne two days ago. Apparently they had been trying to reach him all day, but to no avail. So they went over to his place, only to find that they were too late.

The mandarin orange did not taste as sweet as i had expected it to be. But it is OK. At least one of the two mandarin oranges in my mind was.

God bless Mr. JL and may his soul rest in peace.

Wired Up

Y A W N ~

It's mid-semester break now & i'm friggin broke. Initial plan was to head to Gold Coast. But like most plans, it backfired. I keep questioning myself, where did it all go?

Groceries. Clubs. Raves. Chemicals. Mc D's.

OK eww. Channel Seven's showing a documentary about cattle farms as we speak. And God knows what was going on in the camera man's head because the second i turned my head to the TV, a pair of cow's eyes were staring back at me. The next thing you know the four-legged cheese donator licked the camera. I could've sworn it felt like she was licking my face.

*Gag!*

Anyway, looking forward to this little timebomb:

Hard Wire @ Arena, October 9th

"Spread through out 3 rooms of the Arena with 30k Turbo sound, huge laser and lighting rig and over 15 DJs including Brisbane�s best and the finest of the NuSkool crew, all set to amp your dance circuits with the hardest house, pump�n NRG and the pulsating hardcore!" - www.system6.com.au

Check this one out too: Groove Armada @ Arena. Tickets are $76.25.

Twenty-freakin-five cents??? What's it gonna do? Wipe my ass with quilted toilet rolls?

Attn: Ms.LH wish you didn't have to go back so soon...

What's a name

What's A Name

Brisbane is pretty fond of having two 'o's in their suburb names.

Toowong, Toowomba, Toombul, Indooroopilly, Coolongata, Noosa.

Amazing.

I wonder how the senate or the mayor or whatever came up with the name. I know Chumbawamba came up with theirs by blind-folding one of the members and ordered him to strike any key on the keyboard as he/she like. The end result, is obviously Chumbawamba! Maybe the senates sneezed the names of the suburbs.

"aaahhhh...TOOWONG! chooooooo..." or
"aaahhhh... choooooooCOOLONGATA..."

Then there's the 'call-your-food-with-your-place' name.

Grandfather must be so proud with his hometown drink 'Air Bandung'. And Ms.KC too is no exception. I reckon 'Singapore Chicken Rice' is definitely within the top ten on all Asian food enthusiast's list, alongside with the Malaysian's 'Penang Curry Laksa'. And not forgeting 'Vietnamese rice noodles'.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, MMMMMM.

Yes those who skipped lunch are probably flooding their keyboards with enzymes by now.

So what's in a name? I like to think of names as slap on labels on our foreheads to differentiate us from one another. Think Coca Cola. If you're lucky, you might actually have some meaning to it. Think Britney.

If i had a son, i'd call him qwerty, so that i'll think of him everytime i use a keyboard. If i'm mad at him for shaving the cat, i can just hit the keys like crazy. Alternatively, if i'm proud of him when i found out it was the cranky neigbour's cat, i can just stroke the keys affectionately.

Man, am i smart or am i smart?

See the people

One of my attributes I take great pride in is my wild imagination gland.

I imagine being Bill Gates' sister-in-law.
I imagine being Doly, the cloned sheep.
I imagine being colour-blind.
I imagine being Garfield.
I imagine being addicted to heroin.

Yet, i can't seem to pull my imaginative juices together to form a vision in my mind. A vision of a person who possess only four senses out of the five/six.

To begin with, i can't imagine what it's like to be deaf - Going to discotechques and seeing people bopping their shoulders and shuffling their feet frantically, punching the air whilst shutting their eyes lightly.

Could they be mad with the noise that was embracing them?

Others seem to be carrying (some lifting) invisible weights. While some would disagree with their music because if they thought the music was superb they would've nodded instead, right?

Perhaps the trivia of all nightclubs is the clubber's position, especially at raves whereby it seems as if everyone was being told to face towards one particular direction. If that was the case, then how come I wasn't being informed? Then again, perhaps it's common sense; something which i obviously lack. It is as if they could see something that i could not.

But that's just one optional aspect of being deaf.

I have a friend who's deaf. His name is Mr.B. Despite being deaf, he's irritatingly cute and too nice to be true. He cycles with a huge mob of national cyclists; hence, he has the necessary safety-precautions experience we amateurs lack. So we rely on him for our dear life whenever we're out on the road ripping our saggy thigh muscles apart from hoping that our sluggish buttocks will one day be taut again.

One time, us tortoises were paddling a mile behind Mr.B, who cycled 25,000 km ahead without breaking a sweat while we pant like diabetic bitches. Pfft. Shows how fit we were. Anyway, our destination was the beach. There were two routes to choose from and initially we told Mr.B that we were to adopt route A. But then we realised that we were too ambitious and the sight of the Corollas and Kijangs and Hino lorries scared the shit out of us so we realised that we were better off with route B: the route Mr.B was going, "Eeeegghhh aahhggg mmgghaa hhnngghhh," about. That, translated in normal english would be, "Let's take route B."

Like i said earlier on, Mr.B was far ahead of us so when we decided to take the shortcut, route B. I being the intellect, decided to be just that - an intellect.

"Oi Mr.B! Change in plans liaw. Use route B ahh! I don't wanna get roadkilled worr."

Yes, there i was hollering at the top of my lungs. I could've sworn the whole district heard me calling out to him. Yet, he did not respond; nor did he glance back at me when as i screamed his name in bold.

"OI YOU DEAF KA?"

Then i looked back to tell his sister, Ms.M, who was now kneeling on the pavement, red-faced and all. I panicked.

An asthma attack!

If i were at the olympics then, i would've won gold for bike sprint. I kicked my lucky-draw-prize bike and reached for her. She was out of breath all right - from laughter. I can't help but... What the fcuk?!

"What did you say to Mr.B just now?"

"Didn't you hear?"

"Ya i heard la. But did he?"

"I don't think so. Shit man."

"I wonder why."

It took me a split second to realise that i had been screaming my head off to a deaf person.

Way to go me.

George Carlin

Apparently a message from George Carlin, whose wife recently died. Pretty neat for a mouthy comedian of the 70's and 80's. God bless.

---

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

More & Less

Not in much luck this week. I thought i was born with it. Haaah.

Shame on me.

Skimming through this week's 'more & less' list:
More
1. Business law
2. Accounting
3. Uncle Tobys
4. Bad dreams
5. Missing my ayah, mummy and abang.

Less
1. Outing
2. Clubbing
3. Sleeping
4. Gym
5. Rice & coffee

I guess it is true about that winning some and loosing some crap. It wasn't too long ago when awareness struck me in the head, screaming in my eardrums that it has been nine months and ten days since i last had a fag. Hell, aunty pregnant next door would have been a proud mother by now. Even better, i have also given up booze for good now. Initially i thought i was too ambitious; that i would put drunken nights aside to make way for Ramadhan. But then again i realised that i can not look at another Johnny Walker Black Label no more. The sight of it in a sparkling shot glass is enough to make my stomach churn. Let alone my fave Smirnoff Black Ice. Had one sip too many and it's definitely time for me to call it a day.

Like different flowers have different needs for water, i too have different needs and wants now. What i need is a life, and what i want is a life. And that's exactly what i'm gonna get - a god damn life.

Very Well

The highlight of today would be that when i stepped out of my bedroom of a bachelorette's flair and marched towards the laundry room for obvious reasons. I realised that my bladder was compressing furiously. Thus after much encoding and decoding by the brain cells and such, a message was transmitted to the grey matter in bold:

"GO SHEE SHEE NOW"

However, being the rebel without a cause that i am, i decided to continue my quest to load the clothes into the dryer and take a piss only after i have successfully completed my mission. Unfortunately, the contractions got the better of me and it took me three fat seconds to realise that it would seem forgivable to the flatmates should the petite laundry room be flooded with soap suds but not of the by-product of pungent-smelling green tea.

So i dropped the clean panties and other forms of lingerie on the dusty floor and made a dash to the loo. I am officially obsessed with one of the greatest feelings in life [for me anyway] - that overwhelming sense of euphoria once you have dispensed your urine into the toilet scooter. Aaaahhh...

Notice i used scooter instead of bowl. Why? Well, for starters, it looks like a bloody scooter to me with the wheels used for two good ol' kampung style swing. Y'know, the kind they used on gigantic oak trees with vines as the ropes and used tyres to support your buttocks while your legs dangle freely in the air above soil level.

Hmm.. Reminiscing the past. My childhood fun-filled moment comprises of it as one of my all-time favourite toy at nenek's house. Mother's folks led a hard life and never fail to shed a tear everytime i think about the stories us kids were being told before. Stories that motivate me to lead a meaningul life so i can repay my folks as well as theirs. My definition of repaying them would not necessarily be by means of the greens, but also my deeds which grandpa prioritizes in his grandchildren. He said that he would indeed be happy if the sum of money given to him by his kids, grandkids & so on would enable him to indulge in a year's supply of daily Davidoff cubans; but he told me he would be better off with us doing him proud by upgrading ourselves academically, socially and religiously. And most important of all, nurturing the family name with great care. Obviously if it weren't for them i would not be here, enjoying and enduring life's ups and downs respectively. Thinking about them helps a whole lot in keeping me focused. Otherwise i'd be lost in a deep sleep of ignorance. Touch wood.

So yeah, whenever someone asks about my well-being, i'd say "I'm very well thank you."

Hope you are too.

Best before

Like most Wednesdays, one can expect 'the expired look' on my face the minute i walk through my apartment's entrance door. Sweaty, exhausted and way past the expiry date largely due to the fact that i had to endure a long day at uni, commencing at 0800 hours with the start of a hearty breakfast meal, followed by the routine march to the bus stop and hence, the uni's library to equip my hollow head with the essential whatnots for the upcoming two-hour tutorial as well as another two one-hour-and-fifty-minutes lecture, which altogether sums up to a grand total of three hour and forty minutes of long blahs and yadas. Yeah, poor me. Pfft.

So anyway, this mid-week was unlike the ordinary mid-weeks i have had. It was special.

I was thinking about a certain friend of mine. He has not been acknowledging my existence for quite a while now. Come to think of it, for a very long while. In fact, a typical lady would have encountered her second menstural period by now. So back to my story...

OK hold the phone. I'm watching the athens 2004 power walk as we speak and damn that russian has got a cute butt. All that swaying and grooving... Perhaps i ought to take up the sport too. Mine's nowhere near perfection and is currently approaching the triple XL syndrome.

So now, back to my story [really], i was thinking about how much he knows me that well and how much i appreciate having him in my life. Well... at least he was once anyway. i don't even think he remembers my name. You know, all the good times we shared and how i wish i can go through those moments again coz it has been a while since i had a best friend after Ms.C. [not that he replaced her as a fren is irreplacable & unique in their own special way] And i kinda thought that he was the male version of her. But now, after all is said and done, i can't believe i have to go through the same phase again. It's like a routine sudah. So sh!t. But what the hell. If i don't mean that much/little to someone anymore, i believe there's nothing much i can do about it. I can't force him to like me anymore. I can't go to his face and say,

"OI CHIBAI. LIKE ME WAH. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU KAN? YOU BETTER LIKE ME AH OR ELSE I WON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE."

Ya exactly. What the fcuk right?

Then amidst all those ponderings and further musings, i looked up from where i was walking and my eyes met with those of a stranger. No, she did not have the most beautiful eyes in the world. In fact, mine's better. Seriously. But there was something about them. They were warm and friendly and had those nice wrinkly smile lines near her eye sockets which deepened the minute she smiled at me.

I smiled back. And it was a wonderful feeling.

For a minute i thought i was having an orgasm and was afraid for the next minute that i might be gay.

Well sorry to dissapoint you on that suspense bit there but it then turns out that i was thinking about how can someone whom i have no connection at all be ever so kind to me? In contrast to that, how can someone whom i thought would know me inside out and vice versa, not care to utter a simple two-lettered "hi" to me?

Strange that.

So i guess the moral of the story is to realise that life has its ups and downs [duh] and every individual ought to enjoy the presence of their loved ones before their best-before date. Obviously i've gone off.

NS, I am

Back again.

This time going anonymous to avoid unforseeable consequences. Won't even bother elaborating on that one. Therefore should you know me personally & were notified about this site by me, personally, then i strongly suggest you to take four seconds to flatter yourself for this limited privillege.

To those who landed here by mistake, or via a link and whatnots, well... Hello there.

Apart from being a lil' discreet, readers can expect the same ol' rantings and musings similar to that of my former blog. Characters will be labelled as a variable to preserve confidentiality. Plus it is also an added bonus for me to drive my readers nuts by figuring out just who i am b!tching [or otherwise] about.

What can i say, i aim to (dis)please.